Fair Rosaline or Similes Gone Wrong
by mandrake-o
Summary: I had time left during english and wrote this... i think it's funny. decided to post the thing that i actually handed in for english, not as boring as it looks... okay, maybe it is...
1. My stupid poem

This is something i wrote during english while the teacher was away. I suppose I'd better explain our english class to you so you'll understand.   
our english teacher, after getting fed up with us decided to move the desks and assign us set seats. she let quite a few of the good, nice, charming people sit together and split the rest of us up.   
unfortunately, she didn't realise that me and my friends are the best, nicest, most charming people in the class. so she split us up. not that i care coz i get on with everyone in the class.   
but let's face it, our class is one of the (if not the) rudest, loudest, most selfish, and manipulative classes in the school. but we're nice people, honest. somehow, _some_ of our teachers realise this.   
so of course, we're terrible to every single nice teacher who ever comes near us. (that's our roll call teacher, she's the nicest in the school). So we attack every single substitute teacher we have. that's when i wrote this story.   
we were _supposed_ to be writing love poems or letters to Rosaline, or describing characters and whatnot. But i'd already done mine because we were meant to have already done them. (i told you our class was manipulative. we got a one week extension). So i was just being stupid and this is what i came up with. it's _supposed_ to be funny. and it was at the time.   


**Fair Rosaline or Similies gone wrong**

You are as fair, as air 

You are as clear, as a deer 

You are as gay, as a tray 

You are as beautiful, as someone dutiful 

You are as slack, as someone who likes to dak (a/n: for people who don't know the slang, that means to pull someones pants down exposing their underpants, and in extreme circumstances, pulling down their undies as well) 

You are as rigid, as pigeons (a/n: i was thinking about Bert from Sesame Street at the time... i had a little Bert doll when I was little. My brother had Ernie.) 

You are as bright, as light 

You are as crap, as a chap   


And most of all 

You are like... 

a TRIKE! (a/n: you know, three wheeled bicycle, see, i knew you did... it's just that one of my friends asked me what a trike was when i read it to her...) 

Okay, that's the end, i know, very short. My comments are longer than this entire thing. Oh well, tell me if you thought it was funny. I don't think it's funny right now. But i do have a strange sense of humour. hopefully you don't have one quite so strange. I actually considered submitting the thing at the time. I went up and put it on her desk with the other stuff, even. then i took it back. 


	2. Dear Rosaline - The actual letter

ok, it's me again. i decided that i might as well post the crapped up thing that is what i handed in. i didn't think it was very good. it was much too sweet and soppy for my liking. anywayz, then i showed it to my friends and they liked it, so i thought, hey, maybe it wasn't so bad. then i got it back from the teacher and got 19/20. then i was really happy, then i saw that i got a review finally for my little story so then i decided to post this. i was happy with my 19/20 because the only real reason why i got marked down was because i didn't include addresses. we never got told that we had to bother, but apparently we do. stuff that. we've finished romeo and juliet for good now. (okay, not really, there's still that strange essay we have to do on themes and stuff.) all my exams except history are over, so all i really need to worry about is my assignments. i hate assignments, especially history ones. urgh. and i know i failed my commerce exam today... i suppose i should stop blabbering and let you get on with reading the story. i dunno, i just thought you might want to hear my miscellaneous ramblings, how mistaken was i? i'm still blabbering, though.  
so, i guess you want to read the thing, now... go on.  
  
My dearest flower, Rosaline,  
  
Many a time have I written thee before, but ne'er a single word in reply. I have waited, watched, and wondered what may have befell my darling.  
  
My angel sweet, how I long to hold you dear in my arms and caress your flaxen hair forever. How I wish that you would but speak three words. If you did, my life would be complete.   
  
I sit and stare as I write looking out onto the grove of sycamores which reminds me so of you, my love. The birds sing, but I cannot hear them, the trees are coloured, but I cannot see them. I cannot, my dove, until you requite my feelings. To live without your love, without your smile, without your face is the ultimate hell. I will live forever here in the darkness, waiting. The light is approaching, dawn is come, and I must away, to my chamber.  
  
But, I will run after you, chase you, like a hungry fox, my love, until you see the way I seek. Is there another? Is that the cause? Tell me dear heart that it is not so. That there is no other man; there is no other way. You must I am sure, being as lovely as you are, be suffering from the affections of another. Tell me that you do not requite his feelings. You, I know, are the brightest, largest, most glowing star in the universe, and like all stars are only seen at night. The night is incomplete without your beauty. And when day comes, I must away, to my chamber where there is night, where your splendor will forever reign.   
  
Your darling,  
Romeo  
  
***how'd you like it? feel free to take it if you're really desperate for a love letter. why would anyone be that desperate? anyways, have fun. i think i'll post strange school stories another time, and there's still the little dole bludgers' song... happy reading. hope you don't think i'm too insane. review if you want, it makes me feel special. 


End file.
